life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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