I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
