Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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