I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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