I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
