what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Randomize
