I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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