Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
