This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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