Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
