my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
