I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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