somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
