Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
is it fun? or sober?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
