my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
