My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
