Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize