Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
