i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
