Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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