It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
