he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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