She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
