i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
