my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
