I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
