dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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