I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
