i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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