I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
