The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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