I want to make a zoo with you.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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