Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
