DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
