Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
