Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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