I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
