I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she looked like the before picture.
i wish my penis had a tongue
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize