Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
