Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
