we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
