Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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