Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
