ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My vagina is officially offended.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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