pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
