living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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