I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
