If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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