I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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