I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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