So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
