Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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