the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
