hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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