I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
soo... how was my night?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
