The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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