My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
