How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
