Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Even my vagina gasped.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
