Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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