He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize