Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How external is "for external use only"?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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