It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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