Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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