turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
