If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize