Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
