dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
