Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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