just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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