He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
