I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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