If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
