i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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