i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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