hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
