OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
