So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
