Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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