They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
