They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize