I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
