Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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