I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
