Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
