two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
