I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
