my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
