Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You are a genius and a whore.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
