It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That accounts for only three of the penises
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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