Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
