thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
