doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
