I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
