In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
