Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Are we still banned from the library?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
