she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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