Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
