i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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