Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I take back everything I said about communal showers
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
