he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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