so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
