I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
