the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
