Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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