I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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